Then of course there is the inevitable response of shock and horror from the so-called "offenders." Why can't we just be happy for people?
Yes, you have the right to post whatever you want on FB. But I have the right to comment on whatever you post. Even if I'm complaining about it. Oh the perils of posting things on the Internet! If you put it out there, you have to accept that people might not like it, and they might tell you.
Facebook. We love to hate it and hate to love it. Facebook is brilliant at one particular thing . . . .
They have even done studies about this. Scientifically proven! So don't even try to tell me that you have never logged on to FB and felt like someone else's life was better than yours or felt bad because of something someone else posted. Because if you do, you are LYING.
Of course it is when I am most down and vulnerable that I decide it would be a good idea to surf the FB. (Not a good idea). FB is not for the faint of heart. And when you are feeling depressed, it is not a good place to go. Suddenly everyone you know has a fantastic life and yours seems just pathetic.
We have to remember, FB only shows the world what we want them to see. So Singles, try to resist the temptation of signing on and letting yourself feel down when your newsfeed blows up with engagement, wedding, and baby pictures. But I also have some advice for all the Non-Singles on FB. I know that you aren't the only ones who post "offensive" content, but since that is the focus of this blog, that's what I'm writing about. Sorry. Feel free to rant about the posts Singles put up that are super annoying. None come to mind at the moment.
Here is my disclaimer (can't get rid of the lawyer in me). This post (and the two that will follow) is a bit tongue-in-cheek. I shouldn't have to say this, but it is meant to be amusing, especially to the Singles who will groan and say, YES!!!! Please stop! Also, I'm not advocating banning anyone from Facebook or even suggesting that you stop making all posts regarding relationships and children. Rather, I'm just suggesting we ALL think a little before we hit that post button. And maybe spend a little less time on Facebook.
This first segment is for couples.
1. Engagement Pictures
Yes, I feel crappy when I see those kids I used to babysit posting their engagement pictures. But that is a special moment in your life that you should share with people. And I like looking at these pictures, even if it can make me feel sad sometimes. Besides, what else are you going to do with them?
2. Wedding Pictures.
Same thing as the above. I do enjoy looking at pictures of your special day. It may make me wishful and sad, especially when there are five sets posted in one week! But please, don't feel bad sharing these with your single friends. It would be worse if you didn't.
Okay, I confess, I roll my eyes everytime I see one of these:
I have the best husband/wife in the world!!!! They are just so awesomely amazing! You have made these last (enter #) years the best ones of my life!!!!! I love you to pieces!!!!! I want the whole world to know how much I love you and how lucky I am to have you in my life!!!!!! I can't believe you picked me!!! Happy Anniversary (insert whacky term of endearment here)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know what I'm talking about. It's slightly gag inducing, but it's your anniversary, so I'll let it slide. Just make sure you are telling your spouse this in person and not just showcasing your love on FB. Because it's not really about them, it's about letting everyone on FB know how great you have it and how wonderful of a spouse YOU are for sharing the love on the internet.
Oh, and please try to avoid the word hubby. Just please. Shudder.
Ironically, as I was working on this post, my friend "Gerald" put up an anniversary post. I almost burst out laughing at how well it fit my little made up template above. Here is Gerald's post:
There hasn't been a day in the past four years that I don't wonder why [Petunia] agreed to marry me... I clearly got the better end of the deal. She has been a blessing in every capacity, and it is an absolute honor to be raising a family with her. Happy Anniversary, darling!
A little harder to swallow than the anniversary love, but again, I'll let it slide. Hopefully there will be so many birthday posts for the object of your affection that I won't even see yours. Fingers crossed.
1. Arbitrary Anniversaries
And by arbitrary, I mean anything other than the actual anniversary of your actual wedding. We don't need to know that it's your 3 month anniversary of dating/marriage, or the anniversary of your first date/first meeting/first time holding hands/first kiss/engagement/fill in the blank. No "happy year and a half anniversary honey!!!!" Seriously. Send your significant other a blasted text, if you must. We don't need to see it.
Here is an example from real life. I saw this post the other day:
I just realized, Gerald* and I got engaged 8 years ago today -- the weather was much nicer that day :).
Boo. I missed ours! It was MONTH, DAY. 9 years ago. Whoops. Guess I'll just have to wait until DIFFERENT MONTH, DIFFERENT DAY to celebrate our 9 year anniversary.
And . . .
Ours was 9 years ago today! :) Must be a good day for it! :)
I realize that if you got engaged awhile ago, you may not have had FB to post your happy news. But it's over. Stop milking it. Once you are married, no one cares about your engagement anymore. #gettingengagedwassoawesome, #wishicoulddoitalloveragain, #cantbelieveitsbeensolong!
2. Random Significant Other is Awesome Post
I'm not saying never to do this. When your S.O. does something nice for you, it can be nice to give them some appreciation on the Internet. But please, limit yourself. I don't need to know that you are getting flowers every week or that your husband is so awesome for doing the dishes without being asked every day! Think about what you are writing before you post it. And think about WHY you are writing it. Did s/he do something so unique and out-of-the-ordinary that it merits a facebook post?
This may not seem like a big deal to you, but when everyone does it all the time, that's all I see on my newsfeed. And it gets annoying.
3. The Countdown
I don't know why, but recently I have seen this trend ALL OVER Facebook. Oh my gosh, it's like, only 360 days until our wedding!!! I can't wait to be married to the best guy in the world!!!!
I saw this real life example the other day accompanying a cozy picture of the blissful couple:
One hundred days from today, i get to marry the funniest, handsomest, sweetest man i know. hooray! :)
I did have to laugh at one of the comments - which I thought was awesome. Someone wrote "That's great! But what about (Groom's name)!?!?"
See - I'm glad you are excited about getting married, but I really, really, don't need a countdown to your wedding. Not 300 days, 100 days, 30 days, 10 days. I will give you a little grace within the week of your wedding. For example, "I'm so excited I'm getting married tomorrow!" is acceptable. But in all seriousness, I don't understand the need to post this stuff. We know you are getting married (that's great) and that you are excited (also great) but I don't want to hear about it for the next year. Just don't do it. It's kind of obnoxious.
4. The "My last acts a a single person" posts.
No lie - I just saw this the other day. It was a picture of a couple kissing, titled "Last kiss as a single lady!!" The offender posted this the day before her wedding. It got 73 likes. The picture itself is not as offensive as the caption. I know people post pics of themselves being affectionate with their significant others. But is it really necessary to include the reminder that you are getting married???? Tomorrow???? Also, that you are not really and truly single anymore anyway????? Especially since after tomorrow we will be seeing tons of wedding pictures?
Now if you want to take this photo and put it in your own personal scrapbook labeled this way, that's awesome. Just don't keep rubbing your happiness in everyone's face.
So there's this pretty neat feature on Facebook where you can create a group and then specify that a specific post can be seen only by that group. WOW!! Amazing! So now you can create a group of people who want to read these posts and no one else will see them. Genius.
In general - just think about what you write before you plaster it on the internet. And be careful. You never know when your romantic gesture will end up on A Table for One . . .