This is not a good thing.
It’s not really the getting old part that bothers me. It’s the “my life isn’t where I thought it would be” part that is really hard. And it’s harder than I thought it would be.
I’ve toyed with the idea of starting this blog for awhile. But I kept putting it off because I was scared. What if no one reads it? What if someone reads it? What if I run out of things to say? What if I put my foot in my mouth? What if people write mean comments when I share something personal?
So why even do it?
Well, there are a few reasons.
Being single is hard. Notice I did not say it was harder than not being single. I see all of these blogs, websites, books, articles, etc. that encourage parents and married couples. They say, yes, it’s hard, but that’s okay. You can do it. And I think that is great. It’s a good thing to not pretend that everything is alright all the time. We need that honesty in order to support each other through life. Because life is hard, no matter what stage you are in.
For singles, most of the stuff out there is about how to deal with life until you get married. And frankly, that's not very cool.
I don't need someone to tell me how to wait for God to bring me my spouse. I need a place where I can be ok to be single. Where I can talk about the challenges and the rewards of where I am in my life. Where I can get encouragement to be who I am, regardless of my marital status.
Here is one significant difference between "marrieds" and "singles."
The older you get, the more people join the “married” club and the “parent” club. So if you are married, your support group gets bigger as you age. It’s easier to find friends who are at the same stage of life. You can identify with them, encourage them, and be encouraged. Couples with kids can have play dates. Couples without kids can go on couples dates (because who has the time when you have kids???)
But as a single, the older you get, the smaller your club gets. One by one, your friends start getting married. (Do you know how many roommates I've had to replace because they got married?) Suddenly you look around and very few singles are left. And yes, everyone experiences singleness for some period of time in their lives. But let me tell you right now, being single at 20 is very, very different than being single at 30.
How do I know that? Because I’ve experienced (and am currently experiencing) it. And if you haven’t been there, you cannot fully understand what it is like. Just like I can’t fully understand what it is like to be a parent, because I am not one.
This is not to say that non-singles cannot encourage or help single people through their hard times. On the contrary, I want to help the non-singles figure out how to best help their single friends. And I want to provide a place where single people can find comfort from people who have experienced what they are experiencing.
Of course, that is assuming that any single people actually read this blog. And, since most of my friends are non-singles, that may never happen.
But, as so often happens to me when I am complaining to God that someone should DO something about it, I felt Him tugging at me, telling me to create the space I was looking for. Blast. Be careful what you complain about!
So, I may end up only encouraging myself. But I'm going to try it. If it flops, that's okay.
Being single is not a disease. I do not need to be cured. There is nothing wrong with me. I am not super picky, thank you very much. Yes, I would like to be married and have kids. No, I am not willing to marry someone just to get married. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it can be fun.
Now that we've got that out of the way, come join me at my Table for One.