Why do we smooch on NYE anyway? Well, according to Wikipedia, failure to kiss at the stroke of midnight ensures a year of loneliness.
What are their suggestions for smoochless singles? Kiss a friend on the cheek, close your eyes and remember a favorite kiss (for serious?), or eat a dozen chocolate kisses. That's my favorite. Mmmm chocolate.
But that's not what I want to talk about, so let's get a little more serious. The new year is a time for reflection, for remembering the good, the bad, and the ugly, for missing those we've lost and for looking forward to what is ahead. It's a time for resolutions and fresh starts.
Last year, my mom gave some words from God to me and my siblings. For those of you not familiar with this idea, we try to listen to what God is telling us and we share that with each other. Now, just because someone thinks they heard from God doesn't mean they are right. When you receive a word, you are supposed to see if it resonates with you, pray about it, and talk with other people about it.
One of the things my mom told me was that she thought this year was going to be MY year. Recently I remembered this and thought,
Right. My year. Hah.
Because I'm still single, my living situation got so bad that I had to move, my car is STILL in the shop from my accident before Thanksgiving, and it just seems like once I crawl through one thing, something else hits me. (Examples: Last night I came home and my garage was open! Totally freaked me out. Apparently my garage door has decided to stop working properly. And I wrote this post out twice, only to lose it because of a computer glitch. Twice. I almost didn't write it a third time.)
But then I couldn't stop thinking about what my mom had said. Ok God, we've already established that she didn't hear You correctly! Do you have to keep rubbing it in?
And yet, something kept nagging me about it. Then one night, I was driving home, and I realized something.
It was true that it wasn't my year - at least, not the way I had pictured it. When my mom told me this, I pictured not being single, having a job in the legal field and doing things that make me feel like I'm making a difference in the world. Well, I'm single and I'm still working at the same job (not in the legal field) and most of the time I feel like I have very little impact.
But it was still my year.
It was my year to go on an adventure halfway across the world with two very good friends.
It was my year to get a new place to call my own. Because although I had to go through some awful things, the place I live now is amazing. And maybe I wouldn't appreciate it so much if I hadn't experienced all of those hardships.
It was my year to be grateful for my family who support and love me so much.
It was my year to work hard to support a good, godly boss who is trying to make a difference in our state.
It was my year to start this blog, which I hope has brought hope to at least one other person.
It was my year to learn about myself, my struggles and my strengths.
The thing is, that longing to love and be loved, to know and truly be known can only be fulfilled by God. It's not fair to ask human beings to take that place. This year I have learned to rely more on God, mostly because I didn't really have any other choice. But as I was driving along, thinking about this, I realized that that deep longing was being filled.
I've been listening to this song over and over again. I don't know why it speaks to me so much - but it does. There is something about the music and the words that make me feel close to God. It calms me, gives me peace, and makes me want to dance.
It's hard to explain. But I feel different than I did last year at this time. Different in a good way. I struggle with wanting God to be proud of me and what I'm doing here on this earth. Most of the time I feel like I'm failing. But the truth is that God is proud of me because I'm trying to serve Him - no matter what that looks like. And that can feel overwhelming, to know how much God loves you and is proud of you.
I want to share another word that someone gave me at the end of this year (without knowing any of the stuff I just wrote).
"God delights in who you are. He enjoys your strength and confidence. He sees your uniqueness and your many talents. He loves you and is proud of you as you might expect from a father. I have the sense that God wants you to see Him more and more as a Father. Take confidence and strength in the fact that you are a daughter of God. He loves you with the deepest love a father can have."
It's pretty cool when God talks directly to your heart.
So maybe it really was my year.
But I'm still crossing my fingers for a date next year.